What BDSM accessories to choose when you’re a beginner? If you want to gently venture into the world of bondage and sadomasochism, here’s a little guide to help you acquire the gear that will suit you.
Soft BDSM Bondage Accessories
Bondage involves restricting the movement of one’s partner.
In this section, we’ll discuss soft bondage accessories, with some tips to help you choose yours.
Handcuffs, the most basic BDSM accessory
Handcuffs are probably the first BDSM accessories you’ll want to get to start exploring dominance-submission play.
Simple to use, they allow you to tie up your partner, or be tied up yourself, without having to master the sometimes complex techniques of shibari. They are also easy to remove quickly.
Indeed, when you tie someone up, you must always keep this in mind. If the immobilised person panics or doesn’t feel well, you must untie them immediately.
There are ankle cuffs or wrist cuffs. Also, remember to consider the measurements of the person to be tied up. Cuffs that are too short will be impossible to close, while cuffs that are too large will come undone on their own.
As for materials, you can choose between leather, faux leather, fabric, and metal, depending on your preferences.
Read our guide: Choosing your handcuffs well.
The Blindfold
Blindfolding your partner, or letting yourself be blindfolded, can increase the sensation of letting go. A blindfold can also be a way to maintain an element of surprise, focus on sensations, or feel less self-conscious.
You can buy a blindfold from a sex shop. However, nothing stops you from improvising with a soft fabric scarf, a wide ribbon, or a sleep mask for public transport.
The Gag
A gag helps to prevent your partner from screaming or expressing their opinion too much.
Be careful, however: you must be able to end the game at any time if the submissive person wishes. If they are unable to speak, plan before the session a clear and visible non-verbal code that means “stop”, and pay attention to their reactions.
The most common type of gag is the ball gag. A ball, made of plastic, rubber, or silicone, is placed in the gagged person’s mouth, and a strap, in leather or faux leather, is used to secure the gag behind the head.
There are also “bit” gags (yes, like for horses), where an oblong bar replaces the ball.
As well as gags designed to keep the mouth open.
These cause some discomfort and are therefore not necessarily suitable for beginners.
Preferably, choose a gag with a ball or bit made of pure silicone.
Those made of hard plastic tend to be uncomfortable and pose a risk of dental injury if bitten too hard. As for “rubber” ones, they generally have a plastic taste, and their composition is often highly questionable.
Bondage Rope
Bondage ropes allow for very aesthetic tying and provide a different sensation from handcuffs.
However, before starting, it is imperative to learn about the safety rules to respect. Shibari is an art that must be learned and is not without risk.
It’s possible to master a few simple techniques by reading bondage tutorials online and practising alone. But don’t attempt any advanced techniques this way. If you want to go further, you can take in-person classes, whether to discover or perfect your skills.
Regarding the choice of ropes, cotton ones are often disliked by BDSM purists but have the advantage of being softer and are suitable for soft bondage. You can also find ropes made of hemp or jute specially treated for BDSM in specialised online shops.
Do not use DIY or climbing ropes, and especially not string. Bondage ropes have an appropriate diameter and have undergone treatment that has softened and made them more supple.
On this blog:
- Some bondage knots that are fairly easy to tie.
- A simple bondage tutorial for tying ankles or wrists.
The Collar
For many BDSM enthusiasts, the collar has significant symbolism. It is a sign of the submissive’s belonging to their master or mistress, and it expresses a very strong bond between the two individuals.
However, one can also own a BDSM collar just for play.
It’s practical for tying, as you can attach handcuffs or other bondage accessories to it. Or combine it with a leash to guide the person wearing it.
When choosing a collar, it’s better to have an idea of the neck circumference of the person who will wear it. Not everyone has the same anatomy (Gentlemen, you have larger necks), and collar manufacturers sometimes think small.
The Leash
For choosing a BDSM leash, there are no specific rules. It all depends on your taste; any leash can do the trick. Including dog leashes, but they are not necessarily the cheapest.
Soft S&M Accessories
S&M is the “sadomasochism” part of BDSM. That is, the part that involves enjoying inflicting pain on one’s partner, or receiving it from them. Between consenting adults, of course.
For practising soft S&M, a spank with the flat of the hand might suffice. However, a few BDSM accessories will allow you to vary the games and sensations. Here’s how to choose them.
The Whip: be careful to choose it well
There are various types of whips. Some are very soft BDSM accessories that can be handled safely. Others are almost weapons and should only be handled by people who have perfect control of the utensil, as they can cause serious injuries.
You don’t want to risk injuring your partner. Floggers with short thongs are best suited for beginners and anyone who has never learned to handle a whip.
Indeed, they allow you to easily target the area you intend to strike (an clumsy blow to a sensitive area can quickly be more painful than desired), and they don’t hurt too much. Finally, they don’t leave marks.
The Riding Crop
Besides its equestrian use, the riding crop is a BDSM accessory used to strike one’s partner.
The riding crop has the advantage of not scattering in all directions, unlike a whip, whose thongs are harder to control. Its straight shaft and small head make it a more precise accessory, both in terms of the force of the blows and the targeted area.
However, be careful not to choose a riding crop with too long a shaft if you have trouble aiming. You wouldn’t want to accidentally hit your partner’s genitals while trying to give them a gentle spanking!
The Paddle: for erotic spanking
In BDSM, the paddle is an accessory for delivering erotic spankings.
They are found in leather, faux-leather, silicone, or wood. If you’re a beginner, avoid wooden paddles, which are reserved for rather hardcore practices.
Nipple Clamps
As their name suggests, nipple clamps are used to pinch nipples. Thanks, Captain Obvious!
However, some clamps have adjustable intensity, while others are not adjustable. For beginners, it’s better to choose adjustable clamps.
Japanese nipple clamps come with a chain. The more you pull on the chain, the harder they pinch.
Although they may not seem very frightening at first glance, magnetic nipple clamps can hold unpleasant surprises. Indeed, many of them pinch too hard.
Slightly More Hardcore BDSM Accessories
The Hood
In BDSM, a hood can serve two purposes: a form of “dehumanisation” of the submissive person, and sensory deprivation.
If it’s the aesthetics and/or the dehumanising aspect that interests you, a fabric hood will suffice.
Hoods intended for sensory deprivation sometimes have padding over the eyes and ears, and being encased like this can trigger feelings of claustrophobia.
Since the submissive person’s face is masked, it will be impossible to observe their expressions. It is therefore important to establish in advance a way to communicate quickly and clearly if something is wrong, and to remain very attentive throughout the session.
Read on Objets de Plaisir: the GC’s topic on using a hood in BDSM.
The Armbinder
An armbinder is an accessory that allows you to tie both arms behind the back.
In terms of look, it’s a bit more impressive than handcuffs (you either like it or you don’t, tastes differ…) and the sensation of restraint is more intense.
The Anal Hook
An anal hook has a metal ball that is inserted into the anus (you probably guessed that from its name). Combined with other bondage accessories, it allows for further restriction of movement while providing penetration.
Before using an anal hook, if its ball is removable, ensure it is properly screwed on so that it doesn’t detach during use.
Read on the forum: the GC’s topic on the anal hook.
The Chastity Cage
During BDSM play, a chastity cage allows for playing on the frustration of the wearer.
Before choosing a chastity cage, it’s important to consider how long it will be worn. The longer this duration, the more comfortable the cage needs to be.
Plastic chastity cages are generally the most comfortable.
Read on Objets de Plaisir:
- Our article: What are chastity devices for?
- A topic on chastity cages on the forum.
The Spreader Bar
Spreader bars, as their name suggests, are used to keep arms or legs spread apart, combined with handcuffs.
They are available in various price ranges, and if you’re on a budget and have a few tools, you don’t need to be MacGyver to make some really cool ones.
The Pinwheel
Also known as a Wartenberg wheel, this small metal accessory was originally a medical tool for testing sensitivity.
In BDSM, handled delicately, it will allow you to prickle your partner’s skin, thus inflicting unusual and delightful sensations.
The BDSM Cane
A rattan or wooden cane can be a BDSM accessory for delivering spankings.
This type of utensil tends to leave marks, which is why I would advise against it for beginners. Some people appreciate this type of “souvenir,” but it’s far from being everyone’s cup of tea. Unmistakable marks on one’s posterior can be difficult to explain when it’s time to put on a swimsuit…
Other BDSM Accessories and Dungeon Equipment
This article is, of course, not exhaustive. Each kink has its own set of specific BDSM accessories. I haven’t mentioned here, among others, everything related to pet play, uro games, foot fetishism, electrostimulation, etc… That would be far too long for a single article.
Otherwise, concerning bulkier BDSM accessories, there is a whole range of items that can equip a dungeon, whether for furnishing a swinger’s or S&M club, or setting up a playroom at home.
Saint Andrew’s cross, pillory, bondage chairs or tables, pommel horse, BDSM suspension gear, cages, bondage devices designed to hold specific positions, etc…
Some sites, like Whip me Up or DDV66, even offer to manufacture custom BDSM furniture on demand.
If you’re looking for an artisan capable of creating the BDSM utensil of your dreams, inquire on BDSM social networks like Fetlife or BDSM.fr. You will likely encounter people there who can give you recommendations. BDSM practitioners are always welcoming to beginners and ready to advise them. Provided you ask politely, of course.
